A Shoe Story

In my last Youtube video, I shared some sketches I had done throughout late August and early September. One of the pages had this sketch of a pair of shoes.

As I walked around, I was thinking of Norman Rockwell and how he used to buy people's shoes off of them on the street. An old shoe has a story. It's been walked on, worn, stretched and taken on many adventures. I came across these shoes in the middle of the road, as seen in the picture below.

I sat down on the street cross legged and spent a few minutes sketching them, imagining stories about whose shoes they are, how they ended up here etc. In my mind, I pictured the person who wore them and how they wore them. What was their walk like? What kind of person leaves their shoes like this in the middle of the road? I finished my sketch and began to walk to the other side of the road for another picture of the shoes from the opposite side.

As I lifted my camera to take a photo, a car stopped between me and the shoes, blocking my view. I waited, but when the car left, the shoes were gone. The driver had reached down out of his car and grabbed the shoes, that were likely his that he left there. I was laughing at the situation and for what little I saw of the driver, I think the imagined idea I had of this person who wore these shoes was not far off from the real thing. At least, on some level, my vision held some accuracy to who the owner was. I never got the photo from that other side of the road. Such is the adventure of sketching on location. You never know what will happen to your environment.

- Anthony

#play#philosophy#writing
The child is free at play

"The other is the child, who plays free and in what seems like utter chaos, but with a closer look is a harmonious rapture of energy."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

BY ANTHONY ROSS

I think there are many people who end up writing books from what they write on their blogs.  Whether fictional or non-fiction, the blog is a good place to digest ideas for oneself and to express things to a broad audience.  Anyone can have a taste if they care to read.

I've started writing again on a consistent basis.  Partly to digest what it is that I might write and partly to write what I'm digesting.  It is, unlike other social media, a medium where a greater expression can be given.  One that's not broken down into pictures and a few words.  In these last couple days of writing, I've noticed a theme.  The theme is play and the struggle I have with it.  This would be, perhaps, the book I would write.  As someone who struggles with play, I would learn about it and use the context of writing to explain to myself what it is I'm discovering and applying regarding this subject.

Play to me is a struggle.  Why?  I think it has to do with the components of knowledge and ignorance.  When I say ignorance in this context, I mean lack of knowledge.  In starting out life as a child, we know nothing.  We feel our way through life and we do what we must do, without understanding how others may perceive it.  We cry, eat, poop and sleep.  Crying is our language and the others are our necessities.  What happens later in life?  We start to have ideas about things and without connecting with the feeling of necessity or the language that we created without any secondary hand outs, we are forced into a world of symbols.

Terence Mckenna once spoke of how the magical bird that may appear outside a child's window becomes a mere 'bird' when the parent comes in and tells them what it is.  The bird becomes the word, in a non-musical, non-playful way. Though there is a magic to this symbolism, I might argue there is a greater magic to the unknown and to language that comes out of feeling and is not entirely guided by the intellect.  I don't know the way out of this, because we do need to communicate.  The key is to not be over run by verbal communication and to 'think' in different ways, through feeling, intuition and in less linear faculties of intelligence.

Play is not an A to B to C type of moving.  It develops well with a good foundation, but it is as unstable as the ocean.  Unstable to the mind and the intellect, that is.  The play itself builds an order within itself.  Play is a flower.  And the water, sun and nutrients the flower must have to grow are like the parent who feeds the child and is there for safety.  The child itself is unbridled in its movement, like the water that nourishes.  We don't know where the child ends up, we can only watch with a caring appreciation and keep it safe.  So as one who attempts to play, I see myself as two people.  One is an adult, watching with wisdom and nourishment.  The other is the child, who plays free and in what seems like utter chaos, but with a closer look is a harmonious rapture of energy.  It is the responsibility of oneself to be these two people, so that the freedom is there, so play is the flower it is and remains innocent like the sun.

What doesn't work is when the adult says to the child, "You must play."  As Alan Watts puts it, "this is a double bind."  As the adult, we can't force the child.  This is putting the adult's point of view on to the child's order, which is free of 'the old.'  Our knowledge is limited to what the child knows.  And the child doesn't understand the adult, who is usually rather confused with too many thoughts.  The two work separately, yet together.  This is the balance of living as an adult, or one who grows up to learn the symbols placed upon reality.  Keep the little bit of madness alive, however little it may seem.  That is the play.

Ceci n'est pas une oiseaux.

#work #play #resource
Playing with the Buddha Board

"These ideas are not reality."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

BY ANTHONY ROSS

The silly smile.  What else is there to live for?

Let's talk about something I was playing with today.  It's called a Buddha Board and it's fun.  The reason it's fun is because it's in the moment.  There is only the essence of what you are painting on the board before it dries up.  The way the board works is that you paint with water.  The water dries up and changes as it does.  Once it dries up it is no longer visible on the board.  It's fun because of change.  Everything is fun because of change.

My reasoning for what's not fun is because it is stale.  When I say 'it' I am referring to anything that feels like it is permanent.  Key word being feels.  We all know that change is a constant, but we forget.  When we forget that we as well as all our conditions, as well as the way we relate to those conditions changes, then there is nothing to worry about.  One can't worry in a state like this, because one doesn't know where to begin.  There is joy.  Worry doesn't come into being.

When drawing, there is a time for doing messy work.  This is in the early stage of coming up with what it is to draw.  I find this hard, because I want to develop clean and skillful drawing skills, and doing fast ideas is always doing your work with less care, in the skill-oriented sense.  It is all about getting the essence.  I've used a black ink pen and water brush quite well in this area before, and the Buddha Board replicates that, but does an even better job in lightening the pressure to do a clean piece of art.

I am playing with this idea today, not just the board.  Change is a constant.  Permanence is an illusion.  The one who controls is confronted with change as a constant battle.  They get distorted and illusioned with stability.  That stability is stale and hard.  It creates conflict and struggle.  What action is not struggle is action that comes from the essence of joy.  When joy is something that can't be held on to, but something that moves.  There is no final piece of art work in our lives. :-DEach piece moves in and out of the framing of how we are perceiving.  That's a beautiful painting.

Buddha Board in the studio.

#work #conditioning
Soul-Project Challenges

"These ideas are not reality."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

BY ANTHONY ROSS

It's a fine thing to have a soul-project.  A project like this is both captivating and challenging.  It tests your will and it inspires you like nothing else does.  The challenges that come up with it are what breaks the patterning or conditions that one is accustomed to.  The project brings them up and inspires greater growth to places unknown and not yet reachable, or something.

The project I'm working on is super secret right now, but at some point it will be seen by the public and will be critiqued by many.  I am the artist on this project, primarily.  Meaning, all the pictures to it are my responsibility.  Such huge responsibility.  A lot of the times it's overwhelming, even though I am placing this on myself, and I know this, it is still something I am taking as a personal development project and something that I want to be good.
I realized that I had fallen into a trap here.  The trap is that I was thinking of myself as my work.  If the work fails, I'm a failure.

I don't think I'm alone in this, as someone who has done that to themselves.  A mental clinging to what you do, and the effort in which you do that thing.  This doesn't actually make the work better or the work more enjoyable.  Though, I think it's a fine line in these areas to determine how much 'want' you need to do a thing well, rather than just the doing of it with a detached ideal to do it as such. So the question is, can the desire be there without the attachment?  Can the understanding of what the result should be be there while the process is free to not have a conclusion?  Can I work on what I want to work on without feeling like I need to?  This is a bit paradoxical.  This is the very question of playing and of how to describe it.

It is fortunate to not have the conditions of life play the part of pressure on an individual.  In actuality, it is rare for most of us to have the pressure of conditions in such a manner.  The real conditions are mental, much more subtle, and they, when unconscious, control your ideas, action and aspiration.  So in this fashion, I continue to witness the coming and going of waves of uncertainty regarding finances, security in general, and future happenings.  What will I be doing if I don't do well on this project? Am I doing enough financially so that I can work on this project and will this project help me have security later on or should I do something else that's financially stable in the meantime?

These things have nothing to do with the art, and are of importance for anyone, yet, their importance must be secondary to the real wealth of life and of qualitative being.  If you plan for these, you could be missing a great deal of actuality.  These thoughts occur and they bring my attention away from my work, because the feeling is that there is not enough in them.  I run after these conclusions to what would be my preferred conditions, and I lose the unconditional and detached sense of well-being and peace. These ideas are not reality.

These same ideas of 'not now' can infuse any topic into their sense of self.  Meaning, I can think 'not enough' or 'not good enough' about just about everything.  This is also saying that 'now' is not enough.  Without a detached understanding, these mental convictions will contain themselves in the projects and things that we are most observably influenced in and by.  They will contain themselves in everything we see as conditions.  It's in this way that this project of mine is so very difficult and exciting.  The difficulty is something I attach to when I go to work on it.  It's the idea that it should not be difficult 'now' (when I work on it), when I try to do a 'good' drawing.  I have the conclusion of how it should be and the effort is to keep that conclusion in tact.  That is the way one must work to have something come out as good as they feel it can be, compared with other things.

I know what good art is, so I want to make my art good.  To know what that idea of good is and not be swept up in it is a skill.  It's basically having the space to be a complete failure that is detachment.  Anything goes.  When anything goes, one ends up playing.  When one ends up playing, the art or project generally turns out nice, or at least the making of it is fun.  When the making of it is fun, the result is secondary.  That is just how finances and security must be secondary to the fun that is the detached understanding.  So the question is, how does one work on anything with this detachment?  How does one remain in this detachment, and still do something that is just for fun?  Again, it seems the doing of something just for fun is an odd idea, and that maybe the fun is also in things like the difficulty, which are found to be so NOT fun so much of the time.  Thus the chasing of the conditions which is seen as fun is short-sighted.  Real fun is understanding these mental blockages we have in anything we do.  In that understanding, they transform.  Then everything we do is fun and free.